Finally!

I am so thankful that this man has come into my life.  I waited a long time :)

Someone asked recently if the thought of being a pastor's wife was something that made me feel scared.  It made me a recall a conversation that Andrew and I had very early on while we were dating, in which he told me three things: 1) He feels called to ministry, 2) he will most likely leave Charlotte after seminary, and 3) he will have to fund raise.  Instead of feeling nervous about these three things, my heart cried out, "Finally!"

Finally, a man who knows his own calling and purpose.  Finally, a man who to whom I can be a helper.  Finally. 

And, finally, a man who is as dorky as I am :)

Enough

This spring our Sunday school class was studying the Gospel of John. As we read through John 17, which is the record of Jesus' prayer for his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane, I felt a prick of hope followed by conviction followed by hope again. 

"Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." - John 17:17

First, Hope:   Jesus is praying that God would sanctify all believers-That he would make them whole and holy.  If Jesus is praying, of course His Father will answer!  This is a prayer that will happen.  We can count on it.  My Father will free me from all the sin and brokenness that entangles: selfishness, insecurity, lack of trust, pride, anger, anxiety, worry. And He will make me more like His Son: patient, kind, loving, gentle, faithful, wise.

Then came conviction:  When I see sin or brokenness in my life, I tend to give myself a diagnosis: "selfish," and then, forgetting about the words of life and instruction given in God's word, I hunt for some other book that will cure me.  I run to man's words and thoughts and solutions.  I especially run to counseling books for things I am afraid of or think I will fail at: How to have a great marriage, How to raise children, How to overcome anxiety, how to be a good wife, how to _________.

And then came hope again: The answer to all my how-to questions is within Jesus' prayer: "Sanctify them by the truth, YOUR WORD is TRUTH."  God's word is the answer and His word is enough!

All Scripture is God breathed.  It is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).

God's word is living and active, sharper than any double-edge sword.  It lays bear the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).

The Word of God will accomplish what the Lord purposes and desires (Isaiah 55:11).

It is able to make us wise unto salvation through faith in Christ (2 Timothy 3:15).  

When we do the word, we find liberty (James 1:22-25).

Meditating on God's word makes us like a tree planted by streams of water, whose leaf does not whither, who bears fruit in season (Psalm 1).

The Word of God is enough! 
 
God's word can....

Call me to repentance when I am selfish and point me to the forgiveness and grace available to those who confess their sin (1 John 1:9)

Show me how to grow in Christ by staying connected to the vine (John 15:5)

Teach me to know how to love as Christ loved (John 13:34, John 15:13)

Give me wisdom to raise children by training them up in the ways of the Lord (Prov. 22:6)

Give me faith to believe that my past is not my future and that God's plans are for my good (Romans 8:28-30)

Give peace when anxiety threatens to undo me by teaching me to cast all my anxieties on HIM because HE cares for me (Phil. 4:4-9, 1 Peter 1:7)

Point me to Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith, the one who gives everything I need for life and godliness (Heb. 12:1-2, 2 Peter 1:3) 

The Word of God is enough!    

Many have found Jesus' words difficult.  After one particularly hard teaching many who had once followed Christ began to desert Him.  Jesus turned to his disciples and asked, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" My heart answers with Peter, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.<sup>"

We do not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from God's mouth (Matthew 4:4)</sup> 

Lessons of the garden

I am a novice gardener.  My very first garden was made up of tomatoes, cucumbers, and green beans planted in a little 3x6 raised bed in the backyard.

Actual gardening seemed easy enough: insert seed, add water, watch grow...right?  Not being a fan of reading directions, or following them, even if I do happen to read them,  I took no notice of the label on the seed package that explained how far apart to space each seed.  Obviously, if you want more vegetables then you should plant more seeds.  Who cares if you have a small garden plot?!  Pack 'em in closer!

My mind was filled visions of the little 3x6 garden producing pounds of tomatoes, beans and cucumbers, perhaps even enough to build a little roadside stand to sell them to neighbors.  Instead of pounds of tomatoes,  there were just some scraggly plants that produced only a fistful of green beans and 2 pitiful tomatoes.

And I learned a lesson.  Plants need space to grow.  They need room to spread out their stems.  They need plenty of soil to not have to compete with other plants for nutrients.  More plants does necessarily not mean more vegetables. 

I think I've been trying this same approach in life: More activity equals more fruitfulness.  Cram in activity after "important" activity.  Every need feels like a call to action and participation.  Every invitation is returned with a "yes."  Every spare moment or empty space of time must be filled in.

But in the end, I am exhausted and wondering where the fruit is. Yeah, there's a couple of green beans and a little tomato or two, but not much worth eating.  If my life is a 3x6 garden, everything is packed in a little too close.

As school winds up this year, I am exhausted and overwhelmed and trying to learn the lessons of the garden.  My life is small and I am only one person.  I want to live a fruitful life for Christ, but perhaps I have thought about it incorrectly.  In this fast-paced culture, where importance and success is measured in numbers and results, slowing down and focusing on just a few things can be guilt-inducing-"Why aren't you doing more?"

But what if real fruitfulness is found in less and not more? Or maybe less and more.  Less frantic activity and more letting the roots run deep and fully being in those few areas where I choose to sow my life.

So little by little, I am plucking up the extra plants crammed into my life.  It is difficult to decide which ones to keep and which to discard.  But even as I do, I begin to see the ones that are left begin to spread out their leaves and fill into the newly cleared space.  And out in the backyard our garden is also growing, with perfectly spaced plants reaching out and up and little tomatoes ripening on the vine.

Tomatoes!  Thanks to my husband who actually reads directions about spacing
and is helping me make space in my life :)

The hardest part of teaching

The hardest part of teaching is not...
the mountain of papers to grade
or
the time and stress of planning the perfect lessons
or
the pressure of administration, parents, and students all expecting you to perform perfectly
or
the doubt that clouds your mind while trying to discipline and train students to be responsible
or
the insecurity that floods as you think about what students might think about you
or 
trying to help your students understand complicated ideas
or
the frustration of knowing sometimes you just can't get through to them.

The hardest part of teaching is saying goodbye...
to students you love
students who make you laugh
students who have filled the halls with laughter and loud voices and all kinds of shenanigans
students who have popped in to say hello or ask for help or tell you a story
students who have shared life with you, shared tears, shared meals, shared dreams
students who have changed you as you have hoped to change them
students who have written sweet notes of thanks
students who have brought you a piece of chocolate because they know you like it
students who are quirky and smart and unique and fun and nerdy and artsy
students who check in when you seem sad
students whose parents love you
students you share memories with
students you have prayed for and hoped with
students you have seen happy and sad
students whose faces light up when they see you

Yes, saying goodbye is the hardest part.