Vampire!

Facebook is a vampire
it sucks the life out of me
though it looks really attractive
and seems to offer all I want
it really is a liar
giving me nothing that I need






drawing by me :)

Thank you, Miss Clark!

We all remember their names.  They are the teachers that made such an impact on our lives that we can never forget them.

For me, it was 4th grade, Miss Clark.  It was a bumpy beginning.   I didn't like her at first because she sent notes home to my parents saying I was misbehaving.  How can a little girl not laugh when the boy beside her is pretending that his glue stick is lip gloss?  No one can keep silent under such circumstances!

But once all of that unpleasantness was behind us, I discovered how amazing my teacher was.  She introduced us to Tchaikovsky and Beethoven.  She let us paint like Van Gogh.  She created a class recipe book from our recipes.  She had us be the parent for a day, which meant we had to wake mom up in the morning, make her breakfast, pack lunches, do laundry, clean, and cook dinner.

But more than all of the fun things she taught us, I remember that she loved us.  Every week she gave out "Special People" awards to anyone who had done all their homework and not gotten their name on the board.  I liked that.  I liked feeling special.  I liked the way she put stickers and smileys and told me she was proud of me.  I still have all my awards.

Miss Clark is the reason that I am a teacher.   One day while sitting in class, I noticed my own name on the special people list.  It had been there consistently for several weeks.  I felt encouraged.  It was then that I told my nine-year-old self, "When I grow up I want to be a teacher so that I can make people feel special too." 

Now, I am grown up....sort of....and this year I will complete 8 years of teaching.

Thank you, Miss Clark.  You made a difference in my life!  

Today I was sharing with someone about Miss Clark.  My eyes got a little teary.  Telling the story made me realize that what I do everyday IS important.  I have this fear that somehow I will waste my life.  That I will get to the end and find out that I have not spent it well.  But today, as I remembered Miss Clark and as I thought about my students, I was reminded that it is never a waste to spend yourself on behalf of others.

Dress up

Sometimes I like to dress up.  Today I wore a new outfit to work.  Not new clothes, but a new combination of clothes that made for a really cute outfit.  I felt pretty.  I wanted people to tell me I was pretty, so I went to Trader Joe's after work.  Maybe I would run into someone there, and they would tell me how great I looked.  I went around the store walking confidently, back straight, head high, high heels making that businessy clackety clack on the floor.  No luck.  I didn't see anyone I knew.  No one noticed.

As I drove away from the store,  I realized that I was just pretending, just playing dress up.  I do that when I want to be someone else and when I want others to think I am someone else.  Someone classier.  Someone more beautiful.  Someone put together.  Someone who is going somewhere important.

Sometimes when I dress up, I am really just hiding.  Hiding from who I really am.  Hiding from the person that others might see and not like.

Playing dress up.  That is not something new.  Adam and Eve played dress up, too, trying to cover up their shame after they ate the fruit that was forbidden to them.  Fig leaves.  But their attempts to cover their shame was not enough.  Only God could cover them.  Only God can cover me.

Harmony

I am a harmony
searching for a melody,
the beautiful tune
that will finally set me free.

Where is that melody
that creates a euphony?
The wrong song creates
a cacophony inside of me.

Sing a song for me!
Would you, if I say please?
I want to hear your heart,
know if you are for me.

Until then I will bring,
the half song that I sing
bittersweet to my own ears,
yet pleasing to the King.

strangers

familiar stranger
i know your face
but neither one of us
has much to say
you don't know me
i don't know you
and we're not sure
that we want to
so we both turn
and walk away
"love you, see you soon"
we say

What do you see?

What do you see,
when you see me?
A soaring bird
or a busy bee?
a tiny seed
or a tall oak tree?

What do you do?

What do you do with hope?
Do you walk it like a rope?

What do you do with fear?
Do you pretend that it's not there?

What do you do with pain,
when it falls on you like rain?

What do you do with joy?
Can you believe its not a ploy?

Know

Know by trishjackson

Know
Music/Lyrics by Trish Jackson

Gracious God
My heavenly Father
I love you
My strong refuge
My stone of help
I trust you

For my times are in your hands
You lead me
When all others turn away
You are there

Sovereign Lord
My closest friend
You walk beside me
Shepherd King
Prince of Peace
Your hand will guide me

For my times are in your hands
You lead me
When all others turn away
You are there

You know my heart
It's not hidden from you
You know my thoughts
It's not hidden from you
You hear my sigh
It's not hidden from you
You hear my cry
As I call out only for you
For you, for you

And you hear me
And you answer
You know

Satisfy

Satisfy by trishjackson

Satisfy
music/lyrics by Trish Jackson
 
You offer me good things from your hand
I should be content
Or so you would think
I go in search of other things
I think can satisfy
They leave me dry
They can't satisfy
And they don't

You are my portion and my cup
You are enough
My heart will wander til it finds its home in you
Living water, bread of life
You're all I need

My heart often goes its own way
Worshiping idols
Made of clay
These are images I've made
Unable to speak, to hear, to save
From the grave
They can't satisfy
And they don't

You are my portion and my cup
You are enough
My heart will wander til it finds its home in you
Living water, bread of life
You're all I need

Give me an undivided heart
To follow hard
After you
I'm just the woman at the well
Who needs to drink
From the truth
That you can satisfy
And you do

Whispers

Whispers by trishjackson

Whispers

Lyrics/Music by Trish Jackson

Whispers of a fading world:
“Is there something more than this?”
Glimpses of another world,
How long must we wait for it?

Chorus
In the twinkling of an eye
all will be made new.
The grave clothes will come off,
and weʼll be dressed in white.
The Savior with open arms
will call His children home.
Weʼll see Him face to face,
no longer be ashamed...

Whispers of the Holy One
“O, I am with you always.”
Glimpses, of the kingdom come,
the Spirit and the Bride await.

Chorus

Preparing for the rain

A few months ago a friend and I were talking about waiting and what it looks like to wait.  She reminded me of the scene in Facing the Giants where the football coach is talking to a gentleman who prays daily for the Christian school.

He talks of two farmers who were praying for rain.  One farmer prayed and then when out and prepared his fields.  The other farmer prayed and waited. The question is: which one believed God?



Here are some quotes on waiting I read recently:

Waiting isn't just a matter of time passing. It's a conscious effort of preparing yourself for what lies ahead. What are you waiting on? How are you preparing? - a friend's facebook wall

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." - Henri J. M. Nouwen

Flashback

Memaw sent us some old pictures! 
It is fun being in pictures with people who look like you ;)
...even if you do have bad, early 90's hair

1992?

1991?

On purpose

The past few fays I have been wondering to myself how I can live life on purpose.  I feel pulled in so many directions by different desires and passions. 

One day I want to move to Mexico.  I have always wanted to go, and the door is open.  It seems like the right time.  Life would be simpler there.  Church and School connected.  One group of friends. Small town.

Then the next day I want to stay here.  I love my job, I love my students, and I love my friends.  I find myself dreaming up ideas for classes next year and my mind begins planning for the 2011 Cross Country season and a trip to Spain/Italy with students over Spring Break.

Then at home I am pulled by other desires.  Guitar lessons, so I can be a rock star one day.  Maybe I want to open up a Spanish Language Cafe.  Perhaps I want to try to write kids books. Maybe I will get a Masters in Spanish.  Maybe I will go back and study clarinet.

And then there are all those desires and ideas that are completely out of my hands- marriage, family, adoption, homeschooling.

How I am supposed to know what to do with all the ideas in my head?  I end up chasing everything and going nowhere.  I want to have direction and purpose. 

I was reading in Acts this morning.  Paul the Apostle said, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."  Acts 20:24

Paul knew what he was supposed to do.  Preach the Gospel.

Missions was my major in college. I wanted to live over seas and work with children...But here I am, nine years after college, teaching Spanish in the States.  Did I miss something?

So many questions.  Not many answers.

One time my pastor was talking about focus.  He said if we focus on and pursue people, places and things, we could be chasing forever.  Directionless.  But if we make Jesus our focus and goal, He will bring the right people, places and things into our lives at the right time.  Sounds like a verse in Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Lord Jesus, let me fix my eyes on you!  You are my purpose!

psalm 1

Small, frail seed
you were meant to be
a strong, tall oak
a towering tree
a place of rest
beneath your leaves
with roots that run deep
beside the stream
bearing good fruit
in every season

Jesus calling

A quote from Jesus Calling, but Sarah Young:

"Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties.  If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of life, it is possible to trust me in all situations."

Fallen leaves

As leaves fall
into a stream
the current carries
away fallen dreams

The tree is left bare
from all that's lost
the winter winds
then bring the frost

All seems dead
for hope is gone
longing lies dormant
awaiting the dawn

The winter is passed
let the spring begin
for now is the time
to dream again

Let song burst forth
new buds appear
smell the sweet fragrance
of joy born through tears

The Prize

Future holder
Dream giver
Sovereign Author
     teach me to live
At rest in your hands
Fear cast aside
Eyes fixed on you
     You are the prize

one thing

Fractured lives
hearts divided
busy minds
bodies tired

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Spread too thin
stretched too wide
one inch deep
no where to hide

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Hearts distracted
too many things
one is needed
the King of Kings

lost sheep

Why do I live as if you're not there
a wandering orphan, out of your care
it's not your hand, my unbelief has led me there

One year ago...

This week is the anniversary of our sweet Aimee Powell's death.  It is incredible to think how quickly a year goes by.  It always seemed to me like her soul was too big for this world.  No matter how she tried to fit in it, it was always uncomfortable and not quite right- like a sweater too small.  Aimee, we are thankful that you are with our Father.  We love you and miss you so much.

Here are some thoughts from a friend:
"Sometimes happy endings are not happy at all, but they are still endings. This does not mean that they are the wrong endings, or that a better ending slipped by. Perhaps in a broken world, imperfect endings are at times the only way to close a story. They are the only endings that fit. They are the best endings. --thinking about and missing my friend Aimee." - Josh Stockment

Psalm 27

Of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident.
 ⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD,
   this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
   and set me high upon a rock.
 ⁶ Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD.
 ⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.
 ¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.