black hole

I'd never felt this way before.  It was as if I were looking into a gaping, black hole, the deepest of all holes...infinite.  The hole yawned larger and larger, hungry, begging, demanding to be filled.    I was desperate to fill up the hole before its hunger consumed me, devoured me.  Frantic, I began to cram things into it: friendships, fun activities, service, work, family, sleep, food, but there is nothing on this earth that can fill up a hole that is infinite.

Overwhelmed, exhausted, despairing I realized that my efforts were futile.  There is only one thing that can satisfy the infinite hole of my human heart: the infinite love of an infinite God.

But if I am honest with myself, I often want everything else more than I want the infinite God.  Why?  Because I wonder if He is truly good, if He is truly enough.  I realize that I cannot do this on my own, love Him I mean.  He must do it in me.   

I believe, help my unbelief. 

What is impossible with man is possible with God, and He is able to do abundantly more than we can even ask or think, even fill up the hole.

For this reason I kneel before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:14-21