Remedy for my grumbling heart

Year number 11 of teaching has begun, and I find my will kicking and screaming, not wanting to submit again to the disciplines of being a good teacher: wrestling with content and ideas, studying, carefully crafting lesson plans, communicating with parents, getting to know students, collaborating with fellow teachers.  I feel discouraged at my lack of enthusiasm and vision for the year.  I feel sluggish and weary.  Inside I am complaining and grumbling and telling myself that I am ready to be finished teaching.

But then, in the midst of my unsettled, grumbling heart comes the reminder that this is what I am called to.  This is what God has gifted me to do.  It is what he has put in front of me to do right now.  No one said it wouldn't cost anything to be a teacher.  No one said it wouldn't cost anything to follow Christ.

This year, the call of Christ rings loudly in my heart and mind, calling me to lay down my life and my will to follow him and feed his sheep.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

The call feels impossible, and in indeed it is, but our Savior has already gone before us.  He has laid down his life, doing what was necessary to redeem a people to himself.  He gave freely, without grumbling.  I don't have to save my own life. I can give freely to my students knowing that Christ himself holds my life in his hand.  

 As I read through the "Getting to know you" sheets each of my students filled out on the first day of school, I discover that many have written that they rarely or never go to church.  And now the battle inside me to do the work of a teacher seems to take on new meaning and seriousness.  The battle is not just to teach them a foreign language, but to teach them about the Creator of Language, the Living Word of God.  This is a spiritual battle, one that can not be won by human wisdom or power, but only with God's help.  

Please pray for me.  Pray for all believers who teach in both public and Christian schools.  Pray for our students.