Beautiful Fall Leaf

Beautiful fall leaf,
It is to your glory
to fade,
to let go,
to fall,
and to be crushed.
Let me not hold so tightly that I miss the beauty of surrender.

Broken

Something is not right.  Something is quite wrong...

This morning was beautiful.  The sun was shining with the crisp brightness that only happens in the fall.  A cool breeze tempered the mid morning warmth and rustled through the branches and leaves of the old trees.

Normally this is the kind of morning that makes the heart buoyant.  The kind that seems to blow away all cares and worries and fill with fresh hope and desire.

But not this morning.  The breeze was not strong enough to blow away the heaviness in my heart, nor the sun bright and clear enough to burn through my anxious thoughts.

Why?  Why does life feel so hard?  Why are desires so often left unmet?

As I walked through the neighborhood this morning, I passed by two women sitting out in the front yard enjoying the morning.  One was old, very old, and sitting in a wheelchair.  Her body worn and broken beyond repair.  My heart filled with sorrow.  

Later on my walk I heard a siren. As I circled back around there was a firetruck in front of their house.  Maybe the brokenness finally won.

More sorrow.  This is not the way things are supposed to be.  Our bodies are broken.  Our hearts are broken.  Our dreams are broken.  Our relationships are broken.  The earth is broken.  Everything, broken.

This is not our home.  We were made for more.  Our sorrow speaks because it cries out in pain at what should have been but is not.  It mourns what was lost.  Father, let us put our hope in what is to come.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that  the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  Romans 8: 18-30

I am Voldemort

Recently I was at a funeral.  The man who had passed away had lived a full life.  He was a missionary in Jamaica.  He had a wonderful family who loved him.  He pastored several churches.  He loved people.  He loved God.  My favorite description of him was that "Wherever he was, he was fully there."

I thought of my own life and how divided I am.  How when I am with people and I am not always fully there.

How am I divided?

While attending an event, the enjoyment of it is stolen as I wonder if other friends are having more fun at some other event I know they are attending.

Or I'm spending time with one friend, but I'm compelled to check my cell phone to see if another friend has texted or called.  

A few times I have even chosen to go places or do things just because it would be fun to post it in a status or share it in a picture.

Or this morning: I am sitting enjoying a beautiful lake view as a cool breeze blows by.  A chipmunk comes and sits on a piece of wood to clean itself.  Instead of just enjoying the sight, I want to capture it in a picture.

I am Voldemort.

Vol: flight

de: from

mort: death

I daily try to flee my mortality and my finiteness by creating my own horcruxes, dividing my soul, storing little pieces of myself in treasured items so that I live on...potentially forever.  Where do I store these pieces of my soul?  on facebook, on my blog, in my pictures...

Who wants to be finite and mortal when you can be...

Omnipresent: Got that under control.  I can be with everyone at all times.  They just have to look at FB and there I am. Or I can text them to remind them that I exist even when I am somewhere else.

Omniscient: Got that one too.  Just follow everyone on facebook and know what everyone is doing at all times.

Omnipotent: Piece of cake.  I am all powerful and can control what you think of me by choosing to put only happy stati and happy pictures.

Eternal: Should I die, my Facebook self lives on.

We don't like to be reminded that we are finite or mortal, but perhaps it is in realizing this that we truly begin to live.  Live to the full.  Live in the moments that we have right now.  Undivided.  Fully invested. 

Quote from Grandmom

My Grandmom Wertz wins the award for best quote of the week! She was sharing about her recent early morning trek to Winchester for an appointment and said the following: I left the house at 6:30 this morning while it was still blacker than the ace of spades outside. Nice, Grandmom!

Emmanuel

One word from you will still my heart
and silence all my questions.
Perhaps it was I who silenced your voice
and ignored your sweet presence.

Emmanuel, you are always there
help me not to flee from your side.
Let my heart cling to you
and to you always be tied.

Only in the hood...

There are some things that can only be seen in the hood....

Pile of paperclips

This pile of paperclips represents 8 years of my life.

8 years of teaching, creating, investing, thinking, planning, and loving.

I spent the past three days going through old files, reorganizing and throwing things away.  As I pulled paper clips off of different sets of copies, all things I had created for my classes, I realized that the past 8 years has been time well spent.

More than ever I love teaching and love my students.  They are a delight to my soul.  Their personalities fill my heart.  Their quirky comments make me laugh ("Miss Jackson, it's as hot as a thermos in here!").  Their faces make me smile.


It is true what Mumford and Son's says: Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Lord, let me invest my life well!

Preacher birds

I love to sit on my front steps and read in the morning.  There are several pairs of cardinals that flit from tree to tree, singing to one another.  They sing to me, too, telling me to trust my heavenly Father.  Reminding me that He can be trusted.  His plans are good.  His heart is kind and wise.  His way is perfect.

They sing so beautifully, their tune filled with truth, that I feel compelled to laugh and tell them, "I know!  I hear you!"

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:25-34

michigan

fireflies
twilight skies
blink and twinkle
passing by

tall trees
sweet summer breeze
sway and dance
clapping leaves

little fish
splash and splish
wiggle and swim
journeying swish

big lake
tall waves break
wide and deep 
crashing great.

Auntie mom

Dakota and Cheyenne spent all of last week at Aunt "Trishwa's" house!

They loved playing Jenga!

We spent several days at the Cordelia Park swimming pool.  Only 1$ to get in!

We made sugar cookies to test out Cheyenne's Princess cookie cutters.

Chey and Dakota both participated in Grace Covenant's VBS: The Winning Edge

Dakota eating one of our homemade popsicles:
sliced bananas, raspberry and orange juice.

yum!

One difference between girls and boys: 
Girls use potholders for baking, but boys use them for BOXING!

Enjoying our cookies

*sigh*

One day while sitting my car waiting for the traffic light to change at the corner of Parkwood and Hawthorne, I noticed a man standing in the median waiting to cross the street. He was wearing the kind of blue uniform that you would expect of someone who works in the dark corners of a factory, where he does the same meaningless task over and over again.  Perhaps he was walking home from the Kellogg's plant down the road.

His shoulders were slumped down, and his eyes looked toward the ground.  His face was sad and tired.

Then, he sighed. It was a deep sigh, filled with loss and hopelessness and despair and weariness. 

I wondered if he had lost his job or if his wife was sick.  Maybe he was tired from so many years of doing the same meaningless job with little hope of advancing or ever making enough money for his family to thrive.

Perhaps the man echoed the sentiments of Job...

For sighing has become my daily food;
my groans pour out like water.- Job 3:24

I thought of all the times I have sighed.  Over disappointment with where I am in life.  With unfulfilled desires of marriage and family.  With tiredness.  With sadness over lost friends, lost time and lost dreams.

I am glad of the truth of these words:

 All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
 my sighing is not hidden from you. Psalm 38: 9

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but  the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-27

He makes all things new

I love old things, especially things that other people might throw away.  I can't resist slowing down to see if the junk someone left on the side of the road might be a treasure waiting for me rescue.  The Salvation Army thrift store calls my name each Wednesday for half-off day.  Yard sales feel like an adventure.  Throwing away an old coffee can seems like betrayal. And my grandmother's basement feels like a treasure trove.

Why? 

All these discarded items are just waiting to be redeemed, reused, repurposed, restored.  To be made beautiful again.

I long for God to do the same in me.

Finity

I am not infinite.  I do not have unlimited wisdom, power, knowledge, ability, resources or time.  The funny thing is that this is a new discovery for me; perhaps I have been in denial or just did not recognize the symptoms of my own finitude:

Thinking I can cram dozens of activities into one week and I discover that no, I cannot actually teleport to make it to each of them in time, or have the energy to interact with other human beings once I arrive.

Racking my brain I try to reason through/figure out/predict the future.  Oh, you can't do that either?

Wishing I was someone else who is more organized, more punctual, more thoughtful, more insightful, more, well everything, I find I am still just myself and my wishing hasn't changed a thing.

Each time I arrive at the end of my own strength, I beat myself up for not being more.  But in my lack is where God's grace is seen.  He is Creator, I am created.  He is infinite, I am finite.  He is eternal, I am temporal.  He is more, I am less.  He is enough, more than enough, and His strength is made perfect in weakness.  In fact, my finiteness is His grace teaching me to invite Him in, to know Him, to see His strength, to truly walk with Him and through Him.  It is a sweet invitation and calling.  It is a call to prayer.  He loves to answer prayer!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 
- John 15:8

11. Train Mia the Dog

Well, I don't know if I have quite trained Mia the dog, but at least I am on my way!  Thanks to Cesar Millan's dog whispering techniques, I should have her bringing me Starbucks by sometime late this summer.

Actually, the best thing I learned from Cesar's book is that I must be the boss, the pack leader, the one in charge.  Which means that I go out the door first on a walk.  She stays beside or behind me the whole time.   In fact, leading her on a walk is the best way to teach her who is in charge!

I also learned that dogs need three things with the first being the most important (somehow I have had this backwards the whole time):
1. Exercise
2. Discipline
3. Affection

Finally, dogs are not people (who knew!), so don't treat them like they are.  They are animals first, dogs second, breed third, and name last.  What does that mean, exactly?  Too much to explain here....read the book! 

30. Weekend getaway with Mom!

My mom and I went to Charleston the first weekend in May!  Our adventures include, but are not limited to:
- Walking over the Ravenel Bridge and seeing a HUGE container ship
- Walking around Battery Park
- Taking a Carriage Ghost Tour
- Viewing the gardens of some house/museum we didn't want to pay an entry fee to
- Getting lost on the way to kayaking
- Getting stuck in the mud while lost
- Being attacked by mosquitoes while stuck in the mud
- Kayaking through the blackwaters and seeing lots of birds and one gator
- Seeing the Citadel

The words I speak

The words I speak are not my own
No wisdom Can I give
But come and look upon the cross
Come, believe and live!
His grace sufficient is our hope
His mercy calms our fears
Wrath and judgement borne in love
Life bought with blood and Tears

Minutes

Minutes by trishjackson

Minutes gone passed
like dead men sleep
never to rise
never more to speak.
Why among the dead
do the living you seek?
Why look back
when there is now to see?

Do You Know?

Do You Know by trishjackson

Do you know just how the wind blows?
Have you heard what it says?
Can you see as it blows through trees?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Singing, ooooh

Do you know just how the waves roll?
Have you heard what they say?
Can you see the mighty, mighty sea?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Singing, ooooh

Do you know how Jesus saved your soul?
Have you heard what He said?
Can you see how He loves you and me?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Good Morning from Ica!!

Good morning :) it is our last day in Perú. It is hard to think about
saying goodbye to the boys that we have been with here in Ica.
Yesterday we ate with them, played soccer with them, sang with them,
and ended the day watching a movie.

Time and love invested are always good seeds. We pray that God would
take our little seeds and let them grow.

Today we are giving out water in the desert. Pray for our eyes to be
opened and our hearts to be broken with the things that break our
Father's heart!

Goodbye, Kusi!

Friday afternoon we said goodbye to the children at the kusi home and
took an overnight bus ride to Lima for a day of touring and shopping.

Today we are at the Kawai boys home on the coast, one hour south of
Lima. We will be leading the church service this morning!