aprons and chili

As I tie the apron strings around my waist, my mind imagines forward.  Thoughts of family.  A family I have yet to know.  A husband, children, a giant table with plenty of seats for a big family and for the friends who drop by unexpectedly to visit.

But today I tie on my apron and make chili not for my future family.  I make chili for my friends.  They are my now family.  I love when they come and sit around my table.  When they tell cheesy jokes.  When we all laugh so hard that our bellies hurt.  I love seeing the faces smile and the eyes sparkle with the delight of being together.  Of sharing life.

Though I hope for future things, there is so much joy to be had now.  Lord, let me live well now.  Today let me put on thankfulness for what is and wait with hope for what is yet to be.

"Forever is composed of nows." -Emily Dickinson

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."-Jim Eliot

Be still

Driving down the interstate, I crossed over Lake Norman just as the sun was beginning to rise.  The reddish orange sky contrasted against the blues and purples of the morning clouds.

At the same moment, a thought began to rise in my heart.  It then burst into my mind quick and bright against the dark clouds that had been filling my mind for months.  Months of spinning, planning, plotting, striving, trying to understand.

"I don't have to figure it out!" shouted the thought gleefully.  My whole mind was filled with light and unexpected joy and freedom.  Peace, be still.  I laughed aloud.

I don't have to figure it out.  It is not mine to figure out.  I don't HAVE to worry, as if all my thoughts and analyzing, rehashing, and contriving could really control anything.  No,  I can rest and trust.  Peace, be still.  Be still and know that He is God.  He has already figured it out, and He will do it.

 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
   “In repentance and rest is your salvation,
   in quietness and trust is your strength,
   but you would have none of it." 
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
   therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
   Blessed are all who wait for him! Isaiah 30:15, 18

far from home...

I feel it.  My friends feel it.  Each time disappointment strikes or dreams crumble.  In every experience of loss or grief.  In those quiet moments of longing and ache.

Something inside of us cries out, "This can't be right!  This isn't how it was supposed to be."

To the cry comes the testimony of scripture:

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.  We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ~ Romans 8.

 And the words of fellow sojourners:

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. ~ CS Lewis

 We are not at home here.

But there is hope.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us...For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ~ Romans 8

 Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

with seed to sow

I have cried more in the past 4 months than I have cried probably in my entire life.  Tears of disappointment, tears of longing, tears of hope, tears of feeling loved, tears of feeling alone, tears of fear, tears of brokenness, tears of stubbornly holding on to what I think I want, tears of loss, tears of renewal....so many tears.  They come almost daily.  They come unexpectedly.  They come.

And this is my hope:

Those who sow with tears
   will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
   carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
   carrying sheaves with them.  Psalm 126:5-6

 

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine

black hole

I'd never felt this way before.  It was as if I were looking into a gaping, black hole, the deepest of all holes...infinite.  The hole yawned larger and larger, hungry, begging, demanding to be filled.    I was desperate to fill up the hole before its hunger consumed me, devoured me.  Frantic, I began to cram things into it: friendships, fun activities, service, work, family, sleep, food, but there is nothing on this earth that can fill up a hole that is infinite.

Overwhelmed, exhausted, despairing I realized that my efforts were futile.  There is only one thing that can satisfy the infinite hole of my human heart: the infinite love of an infinite God.

But if I am honest with myself, I often want everything else more than I want the infinite God.  Why?  Because I wonder if He is truly good, if He is truly enough.  I realize that I cannot do this on my own, love Him I mean.  He must do it in me.   

I believe, help my unbelief. 

What is impossible with man is possible with God, and He is able to do abundantly more than we can even ask or think, even fill up the hole.

For this reason I kneel before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:14-21

Me quiero enamorar

¿Cuanto tiempo tardará?
¿O no es para todos?
¿Por qué de mí se esconderá?
¿Dónde está?
Quiero amar y sin pensar entregarlo todo
Quiero que mi corazón intercambie su lugar con el de alguien especial
Quiero despertar, te quiero encontrar y me quiero enamorar
- Jesse & Joy

mirror

a kind mirror
are the eyes of a friend
reflecting the heart
the beauty within

filled with sorrow
when tears they see
crinkled with laughter
when joy rings out free

my words

My hands are full of words for you
I hold them tightly to my chest
I poured them from my heart for you
But can't let you see them yet

I'm afraid that you might love me more
more than I can bear
but I'm not ready to love you, friend
I have not the confidence to dare

You see, my heart's still sleeping
not long from now it may awake
right now it lives in dreams
where it longs and hopes and aches

ready for this to be true

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.- mumford and sons

God moves in mysterious ways

Hymn by William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

hope.

hope.
it is growing in me again
forward only
there is no backward
no looking in the past
there is nothing there
the captain, my leader, my king leads me on
my heart trembles at the unknown
but I know my king's heart
it is for me
He longs to be gracious towards me

trust.
what does trust look like?
quietness
ceasing striving
thankfulness
open hands
open heart
submission
confidence

rest.
my king is sovereign and good
my heart waits on Him
I try not to run ahead
but follow where He leads
rest
for my heart, my soul, my mind
the future is well tended
but it is not mine to know
the one who knows it guards me in His hand.

thankful

Things I am thankful for...
- the little house in the hood
- my roommate
- friends
- the silver bullet
- bonfires
- worship
- Christ
- Uptown church
- a purposeful job
- my family
- good health
- students who make me laugh
- God's patience with me
- encouraging notes from former students
- hard things
- Riley cat purring
- coffee in the mornings
- fall mornings
- true words

manna

Worry.  Anxiety.  Angst.  Fear.

Choking. Strangling. Debilitating.

God has not intended me to live this way.  Worrying about the future.  Projecting all the things that could happen or not.  Playing out scenes on the screen of my mind. 

Instead He invites me to trust.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  But I know that today the Lord gives me manna.  'What is it?" the Israelites asked.  Exactly!  What is it?  Every day it is something different, but it is exactly what the my Heavenly Father intended for that day.  Just that day.  And tomorrow I will have to trust Him again.  And again He will provide.

Manna the Lord has provided me with lately:

Friendships.  Friends who listen.  Friends who love.  Friends who are present.  Friends who pray.   

Family.  Families from school who invite me into their homes and invite me to ride with them to weddings.  Families who let me sit with them at Cross Country dinners so I don't have to sit alone. 

Students.  Students who make me laugh.  Students who say kind things.  

Laughter.  Much laughter. 

Psalm 16
⁵ LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.  

Matthew 7
⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.    ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 

Exodus 16
 ⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.

wooly worms

This past weekend some friends and I went camping near Linville Falls, North Carolina.  It was a beautiful weekend.  The leaves in the mountains have already turned beautiful shades of red, orange and yellow.  The temperature was warm during the day, but chilly at night...perfect for huddling around a bonfire.

One of the highlights of the weekend was the Wooly Worm Festival in Banner Elk.  None of us was sure exactly what a wooly worm was until we found one crawling around our campsite.  It is not the most beautiful worm I have ever seen, but it was cute.

As I was holding the worm, whom we named either Wanda or Wilfred or William Wallace, I found myself saying to it, "It would be so sad if you stayed a worm forever."  As I said this my heart caught up in my throat and I realized I was talking to myself.  I have been feeling particularly wormy lately.  Wanting to be different but finding myself the same.  Doing the same things I always do.  Thinking the same thoughts I always think.

Last night my roommate and a friend and I were sitting around my table and somehow the wooly worms came up in conversation.  I told them about how sad I felt at the thought that a wooly worm might stay a worm for life.  All of a sudden I felt desperate to know if the worm was actually a caterpillar.  "I don't want to be a worm.  I want to fly," I shouted.  I couldn't look it up fast enough.

 I burst into tears as I discovered that indeed, the Wooly Worm is actually a caterpillar.  It is the larva of the Isabella Tiger Moth.  Hope!  Sweet hope flooded over me.  Knowing that the worm was going to become something else one day was encouragement to my overwhelmed heart.

The next day I was listening to Beth Moore and something she said made me realize that I still did not have it quite right, though.  The thing is, I am not a worm at all.  The Lord has already made me a new creation.    I don't have to live like worm anymore.  "Become what you already are," a friend said to me recently.

My favorite part is that Isabella, the name of the moth, means "God's promise" or "My God is a oath."

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 

You make me new, you are making me new. ~ Beautiful Things by Gungor

"adventures"

All smiles!  The SLCAXC team post race- with a little planking and owling action.

We had another SLCA Cross Country "adventure" yesterday.  We have had many adventures this year: an interesting encounter with a swat team, being chased by a storm, bus not starting, bus breaking down on 485, forgotten shoes, monsoon conditions at invitational meet.  We seem to attract "adventures."

Yesterday was no different.  The meet at this school had been cancelled once already because the course was under water.  We arrived to the meet and it was cold and rainy.  We were all wondering why the school didn't just cancel the meet a second time.   Everyone was freezing and wet.  The tent was leaking water all over the book bags.  The guy who was supposed to be scoring the meet was late, so we had to wait longer.  10+ kids had fallen in the mud during the middle school race; one had twisted her ankle.

There was much grumbling and complaining and discontent.  "Why are we even running this race?"

Race time!

One hill was so steep and slippery the runners had to use their hands to pull themselves up.  One girl lost a shoe. The same girl fell.  They slid in the mud.  Someone else fell.  Mud splashed up their backs.  Water soaked their shoes and blinded their eyes.  But they ran. 

Then the surprise came.

As each runner finished the race they were smiling!  "Best race ever, coach!"  They all laughed and compared battle stories.  They cheered on the rest of their teammates coming in.  For the last three runners they even made a tunnel.  I just laughed with them.  Everyone was so joyful.

Today at practice we read James 1:2-3

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I think the joy came from persevering under trial.  In the beginning they were grumbling about the race.  The conditions were not ideal.  But they persevered, and in the end they matured as runners.

We are also running a race...a really long one called life.  The conditions are not always ideal, but maybe it is just another "adventure;" one that is meant for our good and God's glory.  Lord, let me see trials as your grace testing my faith to make me mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Beautiful Fall Leaf

Beautiful fall leaf,
It is to your glory
to fade,
to let go,
to fall,
and to be crushed.
Let me not hold so tightly that I miss the beauty of surrender.

Broken

Something is not right.  Something is quite wrong...

This morning was beautiful.  The sun was shining with the crisp brightness that only happens in the fall.  A cool breeze tempered the mid morning warmth and rustled through the branches and leaves of the old trees.

Normally this is the kind of morning that makes the heart buoyant.  The kind that seems to blow away all cares and worries and fill with fresh hope and desire.

But not this morning.  The breeze was not strong enough to blow away the heaviness in my heart, nor the sun bright and clear enough to burn through my anxious thoughts.

Why?  Why does life feel so hard?  Why are desires so often left unmet?

As I walked through the neighborhood this morning, I passed by two women sitting out in the front yard enjoying the morning.  One was old, very old, and sitting in a wheelchair.  Her body worn and broken beyond repair.  My heart filled with sorrow.  

Later on my walk I heard a siren. As I circled back around there was a firetruck in front of their house.  Maybe the brokenness finally won.

More sorrow.  This is not the way things are supposed to be.  Our bodies are broken.  Our hearts are broken.  Our dreams are broken.  Our relationships are broken.  The earth is broken.  Everything, broken.

This is not our home.  We were made for more.  Our sorrow speaks because it cries out in pain at what should have been but is not.  It mourns what was lost.  Father, let us put our hope in what is to come.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that  the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  Romans 8: 18-30

I am Voldemort

Recently I was at a funeral.  The man who had passed away had lived a full life.  He was a missionary in Jamaica.  He had a wonderful family who loved him.  He pastored several churches.  He loved people.  He loved God.  My favorite description of him was that "Wherever he was, he was fully there."

I thought of my own life and how divided I am.  How when I am with people and I am not always fully there.

How am I divided?

While attending an event, the enjoyment of it is stolen as I wonder if other friends are having more fun at some other event I know they are attending.

Or I'm spending time with one friend, but I'm compelled to check my cell phone to see if another friend has texted or called.  

A few times I have even chosen to go places or do things just because it would be fun to post it in a status or share it in a picture.

Or this morning: I am sitting enjoying a beautiful lake view as a cool breeze blows by.  A chipmunk comes and sits on a piece of wood to clean itself.  Instead of just enjoying the sight, I want to capture it in a picture.

I am Voldemort.

Vol: flight

de: from

mort: death

I daily try to flee my mortality and my finiteness by creating my own horcruxes, dividing my soul, storing little pieces of myself in treasured items so that I live on...potentially forever.  Where do I store these pieces of my soul?  on facebook, on my blog, in my pictures...

Who wants to be finite and mortal when you can be...

Omnipresent: Got that under control.  I can be with everyone at all times.  They just have to look at FB and there I am. Or I can text them to remind them that I exist even when I am somewhere else.

Omniscient: Got that one too.  Just follow everyone on facebook and know what everyone is doing at all times.

Omnipotent: Piece of cake.  I am all powerful and can control what you think of me by choosing to put only happy stati and happy pictures.

Eternal: Should I die, my Facebook self lives on.

We don't like to be reminded that we are finite or mortal, but perhaps it is in realizing this that we truly begin to live.  Live to the full.  Live in the moments that we have right now.  Undivided.  Fully invested. 

Quote from Grandmom

My Grandmom Wertz wins the award for best quote of the week! She was sharing about her recent early morning trek to Winchester for an appointment and said the following: I left the house at 6:30 this morning while it was still blacker than the ace of spades outside. Nice, Grandmom!

Emmanuel

One word from you will still my heart
and silence all my questions.
Perhaps it was I who silenced your voice
and ignored your sweet presence.

Emmanuel, you are always there
help me not to flee from your side.
Let my heart cling to you
and to you always be tied.

Only in the hood...

There are some things that can only be seen in the hood....

Pile of paperclips

This pile of paperclips represents 8 years of my life.

8 years of teaching, creating, investing, thinking, planning, and loving.

I spent the past three days going through old files, reorganizing and throwing things away.  As I pulled paper clips off of different sets of copies, all things I had created for my classes, I realized that the past 8 years has been time well spent.

More than ever I love teaching and love my students.  They are a delight to my soul.  Their personalities fill my heart.  Their quirky comments make me laugh ("Miss Jackson, it's as hot as a thermos in here!").  Their faces make me smile.


It is true what Mumford and Son's says: Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Lord, let me invest my life well!

Preacher birds

I love to sit on my front steps and read in the morning.  There are several pairs of cardinals that flit from tree to tree, singing to one another.  They sing to me, too, telling me to trust my heavenly Father.  Reminding me that He can be trusted.  His plans are good.  His heart is kind and wise.  His way is perfect.

They sing so beautifully, their tune filled with truth, that I feel compelled to laugh and tell them, "I know!  I hear you!"

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:25-34

michigan

fireflies
twilight skies
blink and twinkle
passing by

tall trees
sweet summer breeze
sway and dance
clapping leaves

little fish
splash and splish
wiggle and swim
journeying swish

big lake
tall waves break
wide and deep 
crashing great.

Auntie mom

Dakota and Cheyenne spent all of last week at Aunt "Trishwa's" house!

They loved playing Jenga!

We spent several days at the Cordelia Park swimming pool.  Only 1$ to get in!

We made sugar cookies to test out Cheyenne's Princess cookie cutters.

Chey and Dakota both participated in Grace Covenant's VBS: The Winning Edge

Dakota eating one of our homemade popsicles:
sliced bananas, raspberry and orange juice.

yum!

One difference between girls and boys: 
Girls use potholders for baking, but boys use them for BOXING!

Enjoying our cookies

*sigh*

One day while sitting my car waiting for the traffic light to change at the corner of Parkwood and Hawthorne, I noticed a man standing in the median waiting to cross the street. He was wearing the kind of blue uniform that you would expect of someone who works in the dark corners of a factory, where he does the same meaningless task over and over again.  Perhaps he was walking home from the Kellogg's plant down the road.

His shoulders were slumped down, and his eyes looked toward the ground.  His face was sad and tired.

Then, he sighed. It was a deep sigh, filled with loss and hopelessness and despair and weariness. 

I wondered if he had lost his job or if his wife was sick.  Maybe he was tired from so many years of doing the same meaningless job with little hope of advancing or ever making enough money for his family to thrive.

Perhaps the man echoed the sentiments of Job...

For sighing has become my daily food;
my groans pour out like water.- Job 3:24

I thought of all the times I have sighed.  Over disappointment with where I am in life.  With unfulfilled desires of marriage and family.  With tiredness.  With sadness over lost friends, lost time and lost dreams.

I am glad of the truth of these words:

 All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
 my sighing is not hidden from you. Psalm 38: 9

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but  the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-27

He makes all things new

I love old things, especially things that other people might throw away.  I can't resist slowing down to see if the junk someone left on the side of the road might be a treasure waiting for me rescue.  The Salvation Army thrift store calls my name each Wednesday for half-off day.  Yard sales feel like an adventure.  Throwing away an old coffee can seems like betrayal. And my grandmother's basement feels like a treasure trove.

Why? 

All these discarded items are just waiting to be redeemed, reused, repurposed, restored.  To be made beautiful again.

I long for God to do the same in me.

Finity

I am not infinite.  I do not have unlimited wisdom, power, knowledge, ability, resources or time.  The funny thing is that this is a new discovery for me; perhaps I have been in denial or just did not recognize the symptoms of my own finitude:

Thinking I can cram dozens of activities into one week and I discover that no, I cannot actually teleport to make it to each of them in time, or have the energy to interact with other human beings once I arrive.

Racking my brain I try to reason through/figure out/predict the future.  Oh, you can't do that either?

Wishing I was someone else who is more organized, more punctual, more thoughtful, more insightful, more, well everything, I find I am still just myself and my wishing hasn't changed a thing.

Each time I arrive at the end of my own strength, I beat myself up for not being more.  But in my lack is where God's grace is seen.  He is Creator, I am created.  He is infinite, I am finite.  He is eternal, I am temporal.  He is more, I am less.  He is enough, more than enough, and His strength is made perfect in weakness.  In fact, my finiteness is His grace teaching me to invite Him in, to know Him, to see His strength, to truly walk with Him and through Him.  It is a sweet invitation and calling.  It is a call to prayer.  He loves to answer prayer!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 
- John 15:8

11. Train Mia the Dog

Well, I don't know if I have quite trained Mia the dog, but at least I am on my way!  Thanks to Cesar Millan's dog whispering techniques, I should have her bringing me Starbucks by sometime late this summer.

Actually, the best thing I learned from Cesar's book is that I must be the boss, the pack leader, the one in charge.  Which means that I go out the door first on a walk.  She stays beside or behind me the whole time.   In fact, leading her on a walk is the best way to teach her who is in charge!

I also learned that dogs need three things with the first being the most important (somehow I have had this backwards the whole time):
1. Exercise
2. Discipline
3. Affection

Finally, dogs are not people (who knew!), so don't treat them like they are.  They are animals first, dogs second, breed third, and name last.  What does that mean, exactly?  Too much to explain here....read the book! 

30. Weekend getaway with Mom!

My mom and I went to Charleston the first weekend in May!  Our adventures include, but are not limited to:
- Walking over the Ravenel Bridge and seeing a HUGE container ship
- Walking around Battery Park
- Taking a Carriage Ghost Tour
- Viewing the gardens of some house/museum we didn't want to pay an entry fee to
- Getting lost on the way to kayaking
- Getting stuck in the mud while lost
- Being attacked by mosquitoes while stuck in the mud
- Kayaking through the blackwaters and seeing lots of birds and one gator
- Seeing the Citadel

The words I speak

The words I speak are not my own
No wisdom Can I give
But come and look upon the cross
Come, believe and live!
His grace sufficient is our hope
His mercy calms our fears
Wrath and judgement borne in love
Life bought with blood and Tears

Minutes

Minutes by trishjackson

Minutes gone passed
like dead men sleep
never to rise
never more to speak.
Why among the dead
do the living you seek?
Why look back
when there is now to see?

Do You Know?

Do You Know by trishjackson

Do you know just how the wind blows?
Have you heard what it says?
Can you see as it blows through trees?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Singing, ooooh

Do you know just how the waves roll?
Have you heard what they say?
Can you see the mighty, mighty sea?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Singing, ooooh

Do you know how Jesus saved your soul?
Have you heard what He said?
Can you see how He loves you and me?
Calling all God's people to their knees

Good Morning from Ica!!

Good morning :) it is our last day in Perú. It is hard to think about
saying goodbye to the boys that we have been with here in Ica.
Yesterday we ate with them, played soccer with them, sang with them,
and ended the day watching a movie.

Time and love invested are always good seeds. We pray that God would
take our little seeds and let them grow.

Today we are giving out water in the desert. Pray for our eyes to be
opened and our hearts to be broken with the things that break our
Father's heart!

Goodbye, Kusi!

Friday afternoon we said goodbye to the children at the kusi home and
took an overnight bus ride to Lima for a day of touring and shopping.

Today we are at the Kawai boys home on the coast, one hour south of
Lima. We will be leading the church service this morning!

Today was the last day of VBS! The culmination of our three days was
a giant tree to represent being planted in Christ, growing in Christ
and bearing Fruit in Christ! The leaves on the tree are the kids'
handprints :)

Beautiful feet

Today we washed the feet of over 70 children and gave out seventy
pairs of shoes (provided by Samaritan's Feet). What a humbling and
sweet time with each of the children!

275 adobes on the first day!

Planted in Christ

Today in VBS we talked about being planted in Christ! We want our
hearts to be good soil for the good news that Jesus came to give us
life, and life to the full!

The kids made little cups and planted seeds!

Adobes

We will be making adobe bricks from mud, straw and water!

Kusi School

The cornerstone of this school was laid by SLCA in 2004, our first
senior trip to Perú. Today we will be doing VBS here!

Breakfast day 1!

We are safe here in Perú! Today has been a long day of bus riding.
Tomorrow we begin with VBS and construction!

Peru Trip 2011: Itinerary

Here is our itinerary with links with information about each place we will be visiting!  This is SLCA's 8th Senior Mission Trip to Peru!

Sunday, May 22: Leave for Perú
Monday, May 23: Travel to Kusi by bus
Tuesday, May 24- Thursday, May 26 VBS in Kusi school; Construction
Friday May 27: Lake Llanganuco / Evening bus to Lima
Saturday May 28: City tour of Lima, shopping / Travel to Kawai
Sunday May 29: Church in Kawai / Travel to Ica
Monday, May 30: Street Boys home in morning, Dune buggies in afternoon
Tuesday, May 31: Give out water in the desert. Travel to Lima, fly home

15. Learn how to make tilapia

Why in the world was "make tilapia" on my list of things to do this year?  After making the tilapia and eating it I remember that I don't really even like fish.  Well, at least I tried!

I asked the Lord

One of my favorite songs:

I Asked the Lord

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He’d answer my request
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried
“Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?”
“Tis in this way,” the Lord replied
“I answer prayer for grace and faith.”

“These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou may seek thy all in me.”

Righteous One

Righteous One by trishjackson


You hold the nations in your hands
Kings and kingdoms obey your command
Alone your throne will stand
Held firm by your strong hand.

Bow down and kiss the son,
You are the only righteous one
Every tribe and tongue
is your possession
 
Arise, oh Church, Arise
Beloved, chosen ones
Behold the Crucified Son
He calls you by His name
He's risen, and He comes again

Oh, do you hear the mountains sing?
Praises resound across the sea.
What great news they bring
of our strong God and King!

He rides the ancient skies above
His voice like thunder shouting of
His heart for His beloved
Bought back with His own blood!

Arise, oh Church, Arise
Beloved, chosen ones
Behold the Crucified Son
He calls you by His name
He's risen, and He comes again

Arise, oh Church, Arise
Behold the King is coming soon
Prepare the Bride for the Bridegroom
Arise, oh Church, Arise

Vampire!

Facebook is a vampire
it sucks the life out of me
though it looks really attractive
and seems to offer all I want
it really is a liar
giving me nothing that I need






drawing by me :)

Thank you, Miss Clark!

We all remember their names.  They are the teachers that made such an impact on our lives that we can never forget them.

For me, it was 4th grade, Miss Clark.  It was a bumpy beginning.   I didn't like her at first because she sent notes home to my parents saying I was misbehaving.  How can a little girl not laugh when the boy beside her is pretending that his glue stick is lip gloss?  No one can keep silent under such circumstances!

But once all of that unpleasantness was behind us, I discovered how amazing my teacher was.  She introduced us to Tchaikovsky and Beethoven.  She let us paint like Van Gogh.  She created a class recipe book from our recipes.  She had us be the parent for a day, which meant we had to wake mom up in the morning, make her breakfast, pack lunches, do laundry, clean, and cook dinner.

But more than all of the fun things she taught us, I remember that she loved us.  Every week she gave out "Special People" awards to anyone who had done all their homework and not gotten their name on the board.  I liked that.  I liked feeling special.  I liked the way she put stickers and smileys and told me she was proud of me.  I still have all my awards.

Miss Clark is the reason that I am a teacher.   One day while sitting in class, I noticed my own name on the special people list.  It had been there consistently for several weeks.  I felt encouraged.  It was then that I told my nine-year-old self, "When I grow up I want to be a teacher so that I can make people feel special too." 

Now, I am grown up....sort of....and this year I will complete 8 years of teaching.

Thank you, Miss Clark.  You made a difference in my life!  

Today I was sharing with someone about Miss Clark.  My eyes got a little teary.  Telling the story made me realize that what I do everyday IS important.  I have this fear that somehow I will waste my life.  That I will get to the end and find out that I have not spent it well.  But today, as I remembered Miss Clark and as I thought about my students, I was reminded that it is never a waste to spend yourself on behalf of others.

Dress up

Sometimes I like to dress up.  Today I wore a new outfit to work.  Not new clothes, but a new combination of clothes that made for a really cute outfit.  I felt pretty.  I wanted people to tell me I was pretty, so I went to Trader Joe's after work.  Maybe I would run into someone there, and they would tell me how great I looked.  I went around the store walking confidently, back straight, head high, high heels making that businessy clackety clack on the floor.  No luck.  I didn't see anyone I knew.  No one noticed.

As I drove away from the store,  I realized that I was just pretending, just playing dress up.  I do that when I want to be someone else and when I want others to think I am someone else.  Someone classier.  Someone more beautiful.  Someone put together.  Someone who is going somewhere important.

Sometimes when I dress up, I am really just hiding.  Hiding from who I really am.  Hiding from the person that others might see and not like.

Playing dress up.  That is not something new.  Adam and Eve played dress up, too, trying to cover up their shame after they ate the fruit that was forbidden to them.  Fig leaves.  But their attempts to cover their shame was not enough.  Only God could cover them.  Only God can cover me.

Harmony

I am a harmony
searching for a melody,
the beautiful tune
that will finally set me free.

Where is that melody
that creates a euphony?
The wrong song creates
a cacophony inside of me.

Sing a song for me!
Would you, if I say please?
I want to hear your heart,
know if you are for me.

Until then I will bring,
the half song that I sing
bittersweet to my own ears,
yet pleasing to the King.

strangers

familiar stranger
i know your face
but neither one of us
has much to say
you don't know me
i don't know you
and we're not sure
that we want to
so we both turn
and walk away
"love you, see you soon"
we say

What do you see?

What do you see,
when you see me?
A soaring bird
or a busy bee?
a tiny seed
or a tall oak tree?

What do you do?

What do you do with hope?
Do you walk it like a rope?

What do you do with fear?
Do you pretend that it's not there?

What do you do with pain,
when it falls on you like rain?

What do you do with joy?
Can you believe its not a ploy?

Know

Know by trishjackson

Know
Music/Lyrics by Trish Jackson

Gracious God
My heavenly Father
I love you
My strong refuge
My stone of help
I trust you

For my times are in your hands
You lead me
When all others turn away
You are there

Sovereign Lord
My closest friend
You walk beside me
Shepherd King
Prince of Peace
Your hand will guide me

For my times are in your hands
You lead me
When all others turn away
You are there

You know my heart
It's not hidden from you
You know my thoughts
It's not hidden from you
You hear my sigh
It's not hidden from you
You hear my cry
As I call out only for you
For you, for you

And you hear me
And you answer
You know

Satisfy

Satisfy by trishjackson

Satisfy
music/lyrics by Trish Jackson
 
You offer me good things from your hand
I should be content
Or so you would think
I go in search of other things
I think can satisfy
They leave me dry
They can't satisfy
And they don't

You are my portion and my cup
You are enough
My heart will wander til it finds its home in you
Living water, bread of life
You're all I need

My heart often goes its own way
Worshiping idols
Made of clay
These are images I've made
Unable to speak, to hear, to save
From the grave
They can't satisfy
And they don't

You are my portion and my cup
You are enough
My heart will wander til it finds its home in you
Living water, bread of life
You're all I need

Give me an undivided heart
To follow hard
After you
I'm just the woman at the well
Who needs to drink
From the truth
That you can satisfy
And you do

Whispers

Whispers by trishjackson

Whispers

Lyrics/Music by Trish Jackson

Whispers of a fading world:
“Is there something more than this?”
Glimpses of another world,
How long must we wait for it?

Chorus
In the twinkling of an eye
all will be made new.
The grave clothes will come off,
and weʼll be dressed in white.
The Savior with open arms
will call His children home.
Weʼll see Him face to face,
no longer be ashamed...

Whispers of the Holy One
“O, I am with you always.”
Glimpses, of the kingdom come,
the Spirit and the Bride await.

Chorus

Preparing for the rain

A few months ago a friend and I were talking about waiting and what it looks like to wait.  She reminded me of the scene in Facing the Giants where the football coach is talking to a gentleman who prays daily for the Christian school.

He talks of two farmers who were praying for rain.  One farmer prayed and then when out and prepared his fields.  The other farmer prayed and waited. The question is: which one believed God?



Here are some quotes on waiting I read recently:

Waiting isn't just a matter of time passing. It's a conscious effort of preparing yourself for what lies ahead. What are you waiting on? How are you preparing? - a friend's facebook wall

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." - Henri J. M. Nouwen

Flashback

Memaw sent us some old pictures! 
It is fun being in pictures with people who look like you ;)
...even if you do have bad, early 90's hair

1992?

1991?

On purpose

The past few fays I have been wondering to myself how I can live life on purpose.  I feel pulled in so many directions by different desires and passions. 

One day I want to move to Mexico.  I have always wanted to go, and the door is open.  It seems like the right time.  Life would be simpler there.  Church and School connected.  One group of friends. Small town.

Then the next day I want to stay here.  I love my job, I love my students, and I love my friends.  I find myself dreaming up ideas for classes next year and my mind begins planning for the 2011 Cross Country season and a trip to Spain/Italy with students over Spring Break.

Then at home I am pulled by other desires.  Guitar lessons, so I can be a rock star one day.  Maybe I want to open up a Spanish Language Cafe.  Perhaps I want to try to write kids books. Maybe I will get a Masters in Spanish.  Maybe I will go back and study clarinet.

And then there are all those desires and ideas that are completely out of my hands- marriage, family, adoption, homeschooling.

How I am supposed to know what to do with all the ideas in my head?  I end up chasing everything and going nowhere.  I want to have direction and purpose. 

I was reading in Acts this morning.  Paul the Apostle said, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."  Acts 20:24

Paul knew what he was supposed to do.  Preach the Gospel.

Missions was my major in college. I wanted to live over seas and work with children...But here I am, nine years after college, teaching Spanish in the States.  Did I miss something?

So many questions.  Not many answers.

One time my pastor was talking about focus.  He said if we focus on and pursue people, places and things, we could be chasing forever.  Directionless.  But if we make Jesus our focus and goal, He will bring the right people, places and things into our lives at the right time.  Sounds like a verse in Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Lord Jesus, let me fix my eyes on you!  You are my purpose!

psalm 1

Small, frail seed
you were meant to be
a strong, tall oak
a towering tree
a place of rest
beneath your leaves
with roots that run deep
beside the stream
bearing good fruit
in every season

Jesus calling

A quote from Jesus Calling, but Sarah Young:

"Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties.  If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of life, it is possible to trust me in all situations."

Fallen leaves

As leaves fall
into a stream
the current carries
away fallen dreams

The tree is left bare
from all that's lost
the winter winds
then bring the frost

All seems dead
for hope is gone
longing lies dormant
awaiting the dawn

The winter is passed
let the spring begin
for now is the time
to dream again

Let song burst forth
new buds appear
smell the sweet fragrance
of joy born through tears

The Prize

Future holder
Dream giver
Sovereign Author
     teach me to live
At rest in your hands
Fear cast aside
Eyes fixed on you
     You are the prize

one thing

Fractured lives
hearts divided
busy minds
bodies tired

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Spread too thin
stretched too wide
one inch deep
no where to hide

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Hearts distracted
too many things
one is needed
the King of Kings

lost sheep

Why do I live as if you're not there
a wandering orphan, out of your care
it's not your hand, my unbelief has led me there

One year ago...

This week is the anniversary of our sweet Aimee Powell's death.  It is incredible to think how quickly a year goes by.  It always seemed to me like her soul was too big for this world.  No matter how she tried to fit in it, it was always uncomfortable and not quite right- like a sweater too small.  Aimee, we are thankful that you are with our Father.  We love you and miss you so much.

Here are some thoughts from a friend:
"Sometimes happy endings are not happy at all, but they are still endings. This does not mean that they are the wrong endings, or that a better ending slipped by. Perhaps in a broken world, imperfect endings are at times the only way to close a story. They are the only endings that fit. They are the best endings. --thinking about and missing my friend Aimee." - Josh Stockment

Psalm 27

Of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident.
 ⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD,
   this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
   and set me high upon a rock.
 ⁶ Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD.
 ⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.
 ¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

speak to me

Speak to Me by trishjackson

I hear you call out my name, oh God
It's a sweet, sweet sound
When you call my name
And I am wondering what you might say next
When you speak to me,
Speak to me

I am waiting for your voice
I am listening to hear you speak
Speak to me

I'm afraid of what you might ask me
To give to you, to give to you
What you require seems so much
Help me be strong
and obey

I am waiting for your voice
I am listening to hear you speak
Speak to me

You say:
take up your cross and follow me
no looking back, even for a moment
to die is to live to live is to die
give your whole life, hold nothing back
for my yoke is easy, my burden is light
take it upon you and you will find rest


I have heard, heard your voice
it speaks words, words of life to me
I have heard, heard your voice
Its the only one that brings me peace
Speak to me


 **I recorded this on garageband :)  still a work in progress with lots of mistakes (oops)

14.6 and 14.7 Winter Warm-me-ups!

This past week I conquered 

two new recipes: Beef Stew and Chili!

 
My niece and nephew helped cut up the ingredients for the beef stew.  We were going to eat it for dinner, but Aunt Trish-wa did not pay attention that the recipe said that it takes 2-3 hours to cook.  Sad!  We ended up eating nachos instead.





The chili was a joint effort of my roomie, Deb and I.  We substituted ground chicken for beef, and it still came out quite tasty, especially with some cornbread one the side!

snow day chronicles

3-4 inches fell in just two hours!

 We went sledding!

We asked some poor guy to take our picture outside of Starbucks.

Day 3, and the roads are finally clear.  Tomorrow, back to school.

I am so happy to see the sun!