The past few fays I have been wondering to myself how I can live life on purpose. I feel pulled in so many directions by different desires and passions.
One day I want to move to Mexico. I have always wanted to go, and the door is open. It seems like the right time. Life would be simpler there. Church and School connected. One group of friends. Small town.
Then the next day I want to stay here. I love my job, I love my students, and I love my friends. I find myself dreaming up ideas for classes next year and my mind begins planning for the 2011 Cross Country season and a trip to Spain/Italy with students over Spring Break.
Then at home I am pulled by other desires. Guitar lessons, so I can be a rock star one day. Maybe I want to open up a Spanish Language Cafe. Perhaps I want to try to write kids books. Maybe I will get a Masters in Spanish. Maybe I will go back and study clarinet.
And then there are all those desires and ideas that are completely out of my hands- marriage, family, adoption, homeschooling.
How I am supposed to know what to do with all the ideas in my head? I end up chasing everything and going nowhere. I want to have direction and purpose.
I was reading in Acts this morning. Paul the Apostle said, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24
Paul knew what he was supposed to do. Preach the Gospel.
Missions was my major in college. I wanted to live over seas and work with children...But here I am, nine years after college, teaching Spanish in the States. Did I miss something?
So many questions. Not many answers.
One time my pastor was talking about focus. He said if we focus on and pursue people, places and things, we could be chasing forever. Directionless. But if we make Jesus our focus and goal, He will bring the right people, places and things into our lives at the right time. Sounds like a verse in Hebrews:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.
Lord Jesus, let me fix my eyes on you! You are my purpose!
1 comment:
I know how you feel, in the same boat over here!
Its frustrating at times, while you know that God is in control, that He has a plan and purpose for you being born into this world it is difficult not always knowing which road to take, especially with all the interests you have endless possibilities that these allow!
Its not easy just accepting that Hes in control, that He knows your desires, cant remember who said it but its a journey with Him and not a destination.
I read almost a commentary of Josephs life recently, each phase he went through was a learning curve for him not only to rule Egypt but to save his family and the bloodline that led to Jesus, he probably couldnt have seen that coming, could he? especially when all he wanted was to show his brothers up!
or in jail unjustly, he felt entitled to receive freedom after helping the butler & baker with their dreams he asked that the butler remember him before pharoh but it took another 2 years before he got anywhere.
Hang in there, i'm sure He uses you greatly daily where He has placed you now and in time other adventures with Him will come to be!
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