Flashback

Memaw sent us some old pictures! 
It is fun being in pictures with people who look like you ;)
...even if you do have bad, early 90's hair

1992?

1991?

On purpose

The past few fays I have been wondering to myself how I can live life on purpose.  I feel pulled in so many directions by different desires and passions. 

One day I want to move to Mexico.  I have always wanted to go, and the door is open.  It seems like the right time.  Life would be simpler there.  Church and School connected.  One group of friends. Small town.

Then the next day I want to stay here.  I love my job, I love my students, and I love my friends.  I find myself dreaming up ideas for classes next year and my mind begins planning for the 2011 Cross Country season and a trip to Spain/Italy with students over Spring Break.

Then at home I am pulled by other desires.  Guitar lessons, so I can be a rock star one day.  Maybe I want to open up a Spanish Language Cafe.  Perhaps I want to try to write kids books. Maybe I will get a Masters in Spanish.  Maybe I will go back and study clarinet.

And then there are all those desires and ideas that are completely out of my hands- marriage, family, adoption, homeschooling.

How I am supposed to know what to do with all the ideas in my head?  I end up chasing everything and going nowhere.  I want to have direction and purpose. 

I was reading in Acts this morning.  Paul the Apostle said, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."  Acts 20:24

Paul knew what he was supposed to do.  Preach the Gospel.

Missions was my major in college. I wanted to live over seas and work with children...But here I am, nine years after college, teaching Spanish in the States.  Did I miss something?

So many questions.  Not many answers.

One time my pastor was talking about focus.  He said if we focus on and pursue people, places and things, we could be chasing forever.  Directionless.  But if we make Jesus our focus and goal, He will bring the right people, places and things into our lives at the right time.  Sounds like a verse in Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Lord Jesus, let me fix my eyes on you!  You are my purpose!

psalm 1

Small, frail seed
you were meant to be
a strong, tall oak
a towering tree
a place of rest
beneath your leaves
with roots that run deep
beside the stream
bearing good fruit
in every season

Jesus calling

A quote from Jesus Calling, but Sarah Young:

"Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties.  If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of life, it is possible to trust me in all situations."

Fallen leaves

As leaves fall
into a stream
the current carries
away fallen dreams

The tree is left bare
from all that's lost
the winter winds
then bring the frost

All seems dead
for hope is gone
longing lies dormant
awaiting the dawn

The winter is passed
let the spring begin
for now is the time
to dream again

Let song burst forth
new buds appear
smell the sweet fragrance
of joy born through tears

The Prize

Future holder
Dream giver
Sovereign Author
     teach me to live
At rest in your hands
Fear cast aside
Eyes fixed on you
     You are the prize

one thing

Fractured lives
hearts divided
busy minds
bodies tired

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Spread too thin
stretched too wide
one inch deep
no where to hide

Why do you spin?
Why do you strive?

Hearts distracted
too many things
one is needed
the King of Kings

lost sheep

Why do I live as if you're not there
a wandering orphan, out of your care
it's not your hand, my unbelief has led me there

One year ago...

This week is the anniversary of our sweet Aimee Powell's death.  It is incredible to think how quickly a year goes by.  It always seemed to me like her soul was too big for this world.  No matter how she tried to fit in it, it was always uncomfortable and not quite right- like a sweater too small.  Aimee, we are thankful that you are with our Father.  We love you and miss you so much.

Here are some thoughts from a friend:
"Sometimes happy endings are not happy at all, but they are still endings. This does not mean that they are the wrong endings, or that a better ending slipped by. Perhaps in a broken world, imperfect endings are at times the only way to close a story. They are the only endings that fit. They are the best endings. --thinking about and missing my friend Aimee." - Josh Stockment

Psalm 27

Of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident.
 ⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD,
   this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
   and set me high upon a rock.
 ⁶ Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD.
 ⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.
 ¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

speak to me

Speak to Me by trishjackson

I hear you call out my name, oh God
It's a sweet, sweet sound
When you call my name
And I am wondering what you might say next
When you speak to me,
Speak to me

I am waiting for your voice
I am listening to hear you speak
Speak to me

I'm afraid of what you might ask me
To give to you, to give to you
What you require seems so much
Help me be strong
and obey

I am waiting for your voice
I am listening to hear you speak
Speak to me

You say:
take up your cross and follow me
no looking back, even for a moment
to die is to live to live is to die
give your whole life, hold nothing back
for my yoke is easy, my burden is light
take it upon you and you will find rest


I have heard, heard your voice
it speaks words, words of life to me
I have heard, heard your voice
Its the only one that brings me peace
Speak to me


 **I recorded this on garageband :)  still a work in progress with lots of mistakes (oops)

14.6 and 14.7 Winter Warm-me-ups!

This past week I conquered 

two new recipes: Beef Stew and Chili!

 
My niece and nephew helped cut up the ingredients for the beef stew.  We were going to eat it for dinner, but Aunt Trish-wa did not pay attention that the recipe said that it takes 2-3 hours to cook.  Sad!  We ended up eating nachos instead.





The chili was a joint effort of my roomie, Deb and I.  We substituted ground chicken for beef, and it still came out quite tasty, especially with some cornbread one the side!

snow day chronicles

3-4 inches fell in just two hours!

 We went sledding!

We asked some poor guy to take our picture outside of Starbucks.

Day 3, and the roads are finally clear.  Tomorrow, back to school.

I am so happy to see the sun!

A Chinese Proverb

"Beware of the man whose only tool is a hammer, for he sees every problem as a nail."

On knowing and being known

"Is not this all that a loving soul can do to enter into communion with another! Nay, how many who love never come nearer than to behold each other as in a mirror, seem to know and yet never know the inward life; never enter the other soul, and part at last, with but the vaguest notion of the universe on the border of which they have been hovering for years?"

"For essential beauty is infinite; and, as the soul of Nature needs an endless succession of varied forms to embody her loveliness, countless faces of beauty springing forth, not any two the same, at every one of her heart throbs; so the individual form needs an infinite change of its environments, to enable it to uncover all the phases of its loveliness."  -Phantastes, by George MacDonald

closing doors

"the sound of a closing door, the saddest of all sounds sometimes..." - Phantastes, George MacDonald

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

longing

"What is, is actual.

What might be,

Simply is not.

And we must

Therefore,

Not query God

As though

He robbed us

Of what

Is not.

What is ours

Is good,

God-given,

And enriched.

Let not our longing

Slay the appetite

Of our living."

~ Jim Elliot in a letter to Elizabeth, responding to her frustration in the quest to get married, as recorded in Shadow of the Almighty (Thanks to my friend Christina for putting this on her blog).

19. Have my nephew over for a weekend

It was Dakota's turn to spend the weekend at "Aunt Trishwa's."  

He showed me how to fly like a dragon and fight off intruders.

 Dakota in his Night Fury pijamas!  

He loves the movie How to Train Your Dragon

4. Finish 42 books in 365 days.

Time is up!  On January 9, 2010 I decided to try to read 42 books.  Here is the list.  I am so thankful for good books.  They open the imagination and hold a mirror to our souls.   

1. From Fear to Freedom- Rose Marie Miller
2. Sense and Sensibility- Jane Austen
3. The Peace Maker- Ken Sande
4. Crazy Love- Francis Chan
5. Is That You, God?- Loren Cunningham
6. Designed for Dignity-Richard Pratt, Jr.
7. I Capture the Castle- Dodie Smith
8. Mythology- Edith Hamilton
9. Forgotten God- Francis Chan
10. What's He Really Thinking? - Paula Rinehart
11. The Five Love Languages of God- Gary Chapman
12. The Ligtening Thief- Rick Riordan
13. Sea of Monsters- Rick Riordan
14. The Titan's Curse- Rick Riordan
15. The Battle of the Labyrinth- Rick Riordan
16. The Last Olympian- Rick Riordan
17. The Hole in Our Gospel- Rick Stearns
18. Strong Women, Soft Hearts- Paula Rinehart
19. Too Small to Ignore- Wess Stafford
20. The Southern Cross- Paul Clark
21. A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss- Jerry Sittser
22. Animal Farm- George Orwell
23. The Last Sin Eater- Francine Rivers
24. Who Moved My Cheese? - Spencer Johnson
25. Understanding Who You Are-Larry Crabb
26. Choosing Rest- Sally Breedlove
27. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone- JK Rowling
28. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets- JK Rowling
29. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- JK Rowling
30. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire- JK Rowling
31. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix- JK Rowling
32. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
33. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
34. Shepherding a Child's Heart- Tedd Tripp
35. Boundaries- Henry Cloud/John Townsend
36. Cold Tangerines- Shauna Niequist
37. Orthodoxy- GK Chesterton
38. Bittersweet- Shauna Niequist
39. How to Get a Date Worth Keeping- Henry Cloud
40. The Princess and the Goblin- George MacDonald
41. The Princess and Curdie- George MacDonald
42. A Severe Mercy- Sheldon Vanauken
43. The Miracle of Language- Richard Lederer
44. Suprised by Joy- CS Lewis
45. Phantastes- George MacDonald

SNOW DAY

a snow day poem

little flurries flurrying around
they dance and twirl without a sound
they gently fall and meet the ground 
beauty and grace in them abounds
in following the one who calls them down

My 2010 Soundtrack

Here is a list of my favorite songs from 2010 and some of the lyrics that inspire/move me:

Unwinding Cable Car: Anberlin
This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in...

You're so brilliant, don't soon forget
You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart

None But Jesus: Hillsong United
All my delight is in you, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength

Save Me: JJ Heller
Living
Am I really living
Or am I just existing
Hiding away

Danger
The world is full of danger
But if I never try to go outside
My heart will waste away

All I Need: JJ Heller

Ready and Waiting to Fall: MAE
It's never been more perfect being alive
I've never felt more satisfied

Looks Like Love: Needtobreathe
Our hearts can only shake
When there's risk that they could break
That's a chance that I will take

So, I wont run when it looks like love
I won't hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

Awake My Soul: Mumford and Sons
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Sigh No More: Mumford and Sons
Love it will not betray you,
dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Long Journey: Sarah Jarosz
I have just begun
A long journey that will run
The length and width of summer time
And the cool fall air will guide me home
Yea the cool fall air will blow me home

You'll be miles away
I want to go, but I wanna stay
The music beggin' me to go
But your love can guide me home
Yea your love can guide me home

Healing is in Your Hands
Our present, our future,
our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood

This is Home: Switchfoot
Created for a place I've never known

How He Loves: David Crowder
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,

The Call: Regina Spektor
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Guacamole

aguacate y tomate
córtalos y bate, bate
echa sal y limón
y ají por tío Juan

a seed

In the lonely
something grows
you the only
one who knows
down deep
are hidden things
a seed once dead
to life then springs

Poem for a missed friend

All alone
there's no one home
but the dog and I
the crazy cat
some books to read
a cup of tea
dear sweet friend
why did you leave?

canta alma mia

Mi alma canta
aun que no sabe que decir
una música dulce
sin palabras para oír

Canción de suspiros
de anhelos y de soñar
notas como lluvia
cayendo al llorar

¿Por qué alma mía
cantas tantas tristezas?
¿No sabes que pronto
llega tu esperanza?

Canta, alma, fuerte,
ya sabes las palabras
mil voces te ha dado
el Señor de maravillas

Levanta, alma, canta
grita con júbilo
al Rey glorioso canta,
Él te rescató

wishful thinking

I ordered a guitar stand. I am hoping that leaving the guitar propped up in the corner of the room will inspire me to practice more. You know, since it is so hard to get it out of the case every time. Who wants to do that?

Hello, Charlotte

This past Sunday was a beautiful, spring like day in the Queen City.
Thank you, Lord, for reminders that it is not always winter.
The sun will shine again.
The trees and earth will burst forth with blooms.
There is life yet to come.

Every day on my drive home the skyline greets me with a different view.  Sometimes the setting sun shines off the buildings, seeming to light everything on fire.  Other times there are dark clouds behind the buildings that make them look closer and bigger than ever.  Sometimes I smile as I see the city, almost as if we are greeting each other after a long day.  Hello, Charlotte, good to see you!

the literary cat

Riley cat inspired a first attempt at a homophonic poem.


Riley is a literary cat,
the kind that likes tall tales.
He can write one out in a jiff
with his right paw and tail.

The stories that he likes to tell
are at least ten stories high,
of mice that sing and dogs that dance
And birds that cannot fly.

Once he penned while in his pen
eight poems while eating steak.
With much at stake, he penned four more
to pay for the steak he ate.

to be continued....

Celebrating 2010

I am so thankful for God's kindness and favor in 2010. Here are some things that I am thankful for in no particular order...



Weddings and time with friends you have known forever!

Sharing the Gospel in Peruvian schools.

Running the Race, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of our faith.

Books that bring life and health

Students that make me laugh, daily!

Celebrating 30 years of life with friends in NYC.

Seeing God's work in the hearts of
Our students at SLCA who raised over 15,000$ to
send to Double Harvest ministries in Haiti to bring relief after the earthquake.

My sweet niece and nephew!

Charlotte: my home!

Mia the dog: She is a great running buddy.

There is no time...

I have often been intrigued by the words we heard from a wise island man.

My friends and I were in a rush to arrive to a tiny island called Little Cay located off the Atlantic coast of Honduras. We were all very excited and felt a bit like movie stars as we talked of “our own private island,” which was probably no larger than a football field.

The ferry was not been running that day due to weather concerns, and Andrew was not one to wait around, especially because we had only rented the island for a couple of days. He went in search of a private boat that would take us from la Ceiba on the mainland to Utila, an island town just about 8 miles off the coast. From there, the owner of Little Cay would come to transport us to our island.

After an hour of searching, Andrew found a Cuban gentlemen, obviously worn by years at sea, to take us across. At first Andrew’s great idea seemed like a fun adventure. But after we left the security of the bay, the waves tossed our little ship all over and at times threatened to fill the entire boat with sea water. Our adventure had ceased to be fun and began to be frightening. Our captain did not seemed phased by the wind or the waves. The six of us, however, were hunched down in the boat, trying to keep the salt water out of our eyes, wondering if we would ever see blue sky again.

We finally made it to Utila, a set of washed up, weary travelers. We draped our clothes all over the dock, hoping they would dry in the sun that had finally reappeared. Two cell phones and one camera were rendered useless after encountering too much salt water.

Then, after an hour or two of waiting, mostly impatiently, on the dock. We saw our host coming to meet us in a boat. We were very eager to finally arrive to Little Cay. Our host seemed to notice our hurry. He greeted us, helped us load our things onto his long boat, and took us to the island.

At some point during our twenty minute excursion, he uttered the words that often come back to me in moments of hurry or impatience. Those moments when the future can’t get here soon enough. The moments when I rush from thing to thing, not even aware of myself or those around me.

“There is no time, only life,” he said.

That is how the island felt once we finally arrived. No time. No watches. No hurry. Just us friends, sharing life and food and conversation. Sometimes sitting together, other times walking around the island alone. We snorkeled. We laid in the sun. We tried to open coconuts. We buried our toes in the sand. We watched the hermit crabs that invaded the island each night. We saw the tall palm trees bent by the sea wind. We saw sunsets and sunrises. We enjoyed. We lived.

There is no time, only life.