my words

My hands are full of words for you
I hold them tightly to my chest
I poured them from my heart for you
But can't let you see them yet

I'm afraid that you might love me more
more than I can bear
but I'm not ready to love you, friend
I have not the confidence to dare

You see, my heart's still sleeping
not long from now it may awake
right now it lives in dreams
where it longs and hopes and aches

ready for this to be true

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.- mumford and sons

God moves in mysterious ways

Hymn by William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

hope.

hope.
it is growing in me again
forward only
there is no backward
no looking in the past
there is nothing there
the captain, my leader, my king leads me on
my heart trembles at the unknown
but I know my king's heart
it is for me
He longs to be gracious towards me

trust.
what does trust look like?
quietness
ceasing striving
thankfulness
open hands
open heart
submission
confidence

rest.
my king is sovereign and good
my heart waits on Him
I try not to run ahead
but follow where He leads
rest
for my heart, my soul, my mind
the future is well tended
but it is not mine to know
the one who knows it guards me in His hand.

thankful

Things I am thankful for...
- the little house in the hood
- my roommate
- friends
- the silver bullet
- bonfires
- worship
- Christ
- Uptown church
- a purposeful job
- my family
- good health
- students who make me laugh
- God's patience with me
- encouraging notes from former students
- hard things
- Riley cat purring
- coffee in the mornings
- fall mornings
- true words

manna

Worry.  Anxiety.  Angst.  Fear.

Choking. Strangling. Debilitating.

God has not intended me to live this way.  Worrying about the future.  Projecting all the things that could happen or not.  Playing out scenes on the screen of my mind. 

Instead He invites me to trust.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  But I know that today the Lord gives me manna.  'What is it?" the Israelites asked.  Exactly!  What is it?  Every day it is something different, but it is exactly what the my Heavenly Father intended for that day.  Just that day.  And tomorrow I will have to trust Him again.  And again He will provide.

Manna the Lord has provided me with lately:

Friendships.  Friends who listen.  Friends who love.  Friends who are present.  Friends who pray.   

Family.  Families from school who invite me into their homes and invite me to ride with them to weddings.  Families who let me sit with them at Cross Country dinners so I don't have to sit alone. 

Students.  Students who make me laugh.  Students who say kind things.  

Laughter.  Much laughter. 

Psalm 16
⁵ LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.  

Matthew 7
⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.    ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 

Exodus 16
 ⁴ Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.