Beautiful Fall Leaf

Beautiful fall leaf,
It is to your glory
to fade,
to let go,
to fall,
and to be crushed.
Let me not hold so tightly that I miss the beauty of surrender.

Broken

Something is not right.  Something is quite wrong...

This morning was beautiful.  The sun was shining with the crisp brightness that only happens in the fall.  A cool breeze tempered the mid morning warmth and rustled through the branches and leaves of the old trees.

Normally this is the kind of morning that makes the heart buoyant.  The kind that seems to blow away all cares and worries and fill with fresh hope and desire.

But not this morning.  The breeze was not strong enough to blow away the heaviness in my heart, nor the sun bright and clear enough to burn through my anxious thoughts.

Why?  Why does life feel so hard?  Why are desires so often left unmet?

As I walked through the neighborhood this morning, I passed by two women sitting out in the front yard enjoying the morning.  One was old, very old, and sitting in a wheelchair.  Her body worn and broken beyond repair.  My heart filled with sorrow.  

Later on my walk I heard a siren. As I circled back around there was a firetruck in front of their house.  Maybe the brokenness finally won.

More sorrow.  This is not the way things are supposed to be.  Our bodies are broken.  Our hearts are broken.  Our dreams are broken.  Our relationships are broken.  The earth is broken.  Everything, broken.

This is not our home.  We were made for more.  Our sorrow speaks because it cries out in pain at what should have been but is not.  It mourns what was lost.  Father, let us put our hope in what is to come.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that  the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.  Romans 8: 18-30

I am Voldemort

Recently I was at a funeral.  The man who had passed away had lived a full life.  He was a missionary in Jamaica.  He had a wonderful family who loved him.  He pastored several churches.  He loved people.  He loved God.  My favorite description of him was that "Wherever he was, he was fully there."

I thought of my own life and how divided I am.  How when I am with people and I am not always fully there.

How am I divided?

While attending an event, the enjoyment of it is stolen as I wonder if other friends are having more fun at some other event I know they are attending.

Or I'm spending time with one friend, but I'm compelled to check my cell phone to see if another friend has texted or called.  

A few times I have even chosen to go places or do things just because it would be fun to post it in a status or share it in a picture.

Or this morning: I am sitting enjoying a beautiful lake view as a cool breeze blows by.  A chipmunk comes and sits on a piece of wood to clean itself.  Instead of just enjoying the sight, I want to capture it in a picture.

I am Voldemort.

Vol: flight

de: from

mort: death

I daily try to flee my mortality and my finiteness by creating my own horcruxes, dividing my soul, storing little pieces of myself in treasured items so that I live on...potentially forever.  Where do I store these pieces of my soul?  on facebook, on my blog, in my pictures...

Who wants to be finite and mortal when you can be...

Omnipresent: Got that under control.  I can be with everyone at all times.  They just have to look at FB and there I am. Or I can text them to remind them that I exist even when I am somewhere else.

Omniscient: Got that one too.  Just follow everyone on facebook and know what everyone is doing at all times.

Omnipotent: Piece of cake.  I am all powerful and can control what you think of me by choosing to put only happy stati and happy pictures.

Eternal: Should I die, my Facebook self lives on.

We don't like to be reminded that we are finite or mortal, but perhaps it is in realizing this that we truly begin to live.  Live to the full.  Live in the moments that we have right now.  Undivided.  Fully invested. 

Quote from Grandmom

My Grandmom Wertz wins the award for best quote of the week! She was sharing about her recent early morning trek to Winchester for an appointment and said the following: I left the house at 6:30 this morning while it was still blacker than the ace of spades outside. Nice, Grandmom!